Candy Store

VERONICA "Martha's had a thing for Ram for like twelve years now, this will kill her, it's horrible--" H. CHANDLER Are we gonna have a problem? You got a bone to pick? You’ve come so far, Why now are you pulling on my dick? I’d normally slap your face off, And ev'ryone here could watch. But I’m feeling nice. Here’s some advice. Listen up, byatch! H. DUKE, H. MCNAMARA, 3 GIRLS I like! H. CHANDLER Lookin’ hot Buying stuff they cannot H. DUKE, H. MCNAMARA, 3 GIRLS I like! H. CHANDLER Drinkin’ hard Maxin’ Dad’s credit card H. DUKE, H. MCNAMARA, 3 GIRLS I like! H. CHANDLER Skippin’ gym Scaring her Screwing him H. DUKE, H. MCNAMARA, 3 GIRLS I like! H. CHANDLER: Killer clothes HEATHERS: Kickin’ nerds in the nose! H. CHANDLER: If you lack the balls You can go play dolls Let your mommy fix you a snack H. DUKE, H. MCNAMARA, 3 GIRLS Woah, whoa! H. CHANDLER Or you could come smoke Pound some rum and coke In my Porsha with the quarterback HEATHERS Woah! Woah! Woah! Honey, whatchu waitin’ for? Welcome to my candy store It’s time for you to prove You’re not a loser anymore Then step into my candy store H. CHANDLER & H. MCNAMARA Guys fall H. DUKE At your feet Pay the check H. MCNAMARA Help you cheat HEATHERS All you H. DUKE Have to do H. CHANDLER Say goodbye to Shamu HEATHERS That freak’s H. MCNAMARA Not your friend I can tell in the end HEATHERS If she H. MCNAMARA Had your shot HEATHERS She would leave you to rot H. MCNAMARA ‘Course if you don’t care Fine! Go braid her hair Maybe Sesame Street is on HEATHERS Woah! H. MCNAMARA Or forget the creep H. DUKE And get in my jeep H. CHANDLER Let’s go tear up someone’s lawn HEATHERS Woah! Woah! Woah! (CHANDLER suddenly has Veronica's note, without VERONICA even noticing. She passes it to MCNAMARA, then to DUKE) HEATHERS Honey, whatchu waitin’ for? Welcome to my candy store You just gotta prove You’re not a pussy anymore Then step into my candy store (HEATHER DUKE passes the note to RAM. RAM drops the fake note onto MARTHA'S lunch tray. MARTHA opens it and reads it...) H. CHANDLER You can join the team H. DUKE & H. MCNAMARA Or you can bitch and moan H. CHANDLER You can live the dream H. DUKE & H. MCNAMARA Or you can die alone H. CHANDLER You can fly with eagles HEATHERS Or if you prefer H. CHANDLER Keep on testing me H. DUKE & H. MCNAMARA And end up like her! MARTHA (spoken) Veronica, look! Ram invited me to his homecoming party. This proves he’s been thinking about me. (VERONICA glances over at the HEATHERS. HEATHER CHANDLER stares back.) VERONICA "... Color me stoked." MARTHA "I’m so happy!" HEATHERS Woah! H. DUKE Honey, whachu waiting fo— H.CHANDLER Shut up, Heather. Step into my candy store! (Oooh woah! Woah oh ohh) H. DUKE & H. MCNAMARA Time for you to prove You’re not a lame ass anymore Then step into my candy store HEATHERS: It’s my candy store It’s my candy It’s my candy store It’s my candy It’s my candy store