Yo Girl

HEATHER DUKE (spoken) Martha Dumptruck took a belly flop off the Old Mill Bridge last night holding a suicide note. VERONICA (spoken) Oh my God. Is she dead—? HEATHER DUKE Just some broken bones. Just another geek trying to imitate the popular people and failing miserably. HEATHER CHANDLER, RAM AND KURT (sung): Yo girl, keep it together I knew you would come far Now you’re truly a Heather Smell how gangsta you are. (lights up on Martha in a hospital bed) VERONICA Martha, I’m so sorry. HEATHER CHANDLER, RAM AND KURT Yo girl, feel a bit punchy? She’s not looking so well Still, you’ve earned that red scrunchie Come join Heather in hell (Lights change, Veronica runs into her Mom and Dad) VERONICA’S DAD (spoken) "Where have you been?" VERONICA’S MOM (spoken) "We’ve been worried sick! Your friend JD stopped by. He told us everything." VERONICA "...Everything?" VERONICA’S DAD: "Your depression? Your thoughts of suicide?" VERONICA’S MOM: He even showed us your copy of Moby Dick. HEATHER CHANDLER (spoken): He’s got your handwriting down cold. VERONICA’S MOM Please, honey. Talk to us! VERONICA You'd never understand! VERONICA’S MOM: Try me! I’ve experienced everything you’re going through right now. I know it all seems impossibly dramatic. HEATHER CHANDLER, RAM AND KURT (sung): Guess who’s right down the block? VERONICA’S MOM Your problems seem like life and death— HEATHER CHANDLER, RAM AND KURT: Guess who’s climbing the stairs? VERONICA’S MOM: I promise, they’re not. HEATHER CHANDLER, RAM AND KURT: Guess who’s picking your lock? VERONICA: You don’t know what my world looks like! HEATHER CHANDLER, RAM AND KURT: Time’s up! Go say your prayers! VERONICA’S MOM: What did I say?! (Veronica barricades herself in the closet) HEATHER CHANDLER, RAM AND KURT: Veronica’s running on, running on fumes now Veronica’s totally fried Veronica’s gotta be trippin’ on ‘schrooms now, Thinking that she can hide Veronica’s done for, there’s no doubt now, Notify next of kin! Veronica’s trying to keep him out now Too late! He got in! J.D. (spoken): Knock! Knock! (LIGHTS UP on VERONICA’S BEDROOM. It’s dark. Spooky shadows. JD climbs in the bedroom window, amped and darkly chipper) Sorry to come through the window. Dreadful etiquette, I know! (JD pulls out a gun. Looks around, tries to open the closet door. It's locked) VERONICA: "Get out of my house! I'll scream and my parents will call the police."